Short Story #1

 

Her Eyes

“What are you doing?” she asked without moving her eyes up from the novel in her hands.  I was sitting at the table behind the sofa staring at sun glistening off her golden hair.  Tracing over every inch of her face with my eyes, memorizing every freckle and crevice placed on her face.  I have her memorized, down to every small detail on her body.  I can see every detail perfectly when I close my eyes.

I love watching her read.  She always gets lost and falls into this imaginary fantasy world inside her head that she finds in every book.

“Just thinking, Chloe,” I responded smiling.  She looked up and smirked at me.  The sunlight hit her hazel eyes just perfect for the gold to shimmer.  The wind blew in from the back doors that we always kept open, and her hair blew itself behind her shoulders leaving her face free for my eyes to see.

The smirk never left her lips while she said, “Parker, I can feel you staring at me!” laughing a little, “It’s so hard to focus.”  I couldn’t help but blush and quickly take my eyes to the scene outside the window and take a sip of my water.

“I’m sorry babe,” I said looking at nothing but outside the window “you’re just so damn beautiful.”  She didn’t say anything to me, she just looked back down at her book.  I let out a sigh and stood up from the table.  The sound of the chair sliding on the hard wood floor was so much louder than the sound of the sun peering in from the windows and doors.  I began to wash my cup.  It is crazy how much I think about when I’m washing dishes.  It’s almost therapeutic for me. As I reached for the towel to dry my clean cup, I felt the warmth of Chloe’s hands wrapping around my waist.

She whispered so delicately into my ear, “I’m sorry, baby.”  I could tell she was on her tippy toes because the top of her head only reaches my shoulders.  As I put the glass down, I felt her heels hit the ground and she pressed her body into my hugging me as tight as she could.  I turned around as she started explaining how lost she gets in the world of books she reads.  I picked her up, sat her on the counter, and put my hands down flat on either side of her hips.  Her hands started reaching for the back side of my neck, and he legs started reaching for the backside of my hips.

“Chloe,” I said. She suddenly stopped herself from grabbing onto me.

“Parker,” she said as her limbs dropped and her face filled with concern.

“Chloe, there is something I have to talk to you about.”  She scooted herself further back onto the counter so the backside of her knees met the edge.  I could tell a million things were running through her mind.  I could see the panic in her face.  I slid both my hands behind her back and pulled her into me.  It amazes me how her head always fits perfectly in the crook of my neck.

“What’s up, baby?” she asked me and her voice was trembling.  I put my hands on her shoulders and pulled her off my chest.  Her jaw was clinching and I could feel how tense she was in my hands.

I moved my hands so they fit perfects around her ears and my fingers were tangled in her hair holding the back of her neck.  I pressed my lips gently onto hers, and kept them there. I waited until I could feel her relax. I waited until she kissed me back.  She finally pushed her lips back.  My hands were still tangled in her hair, holding her.  I moved my hands to her waist and picked her up off the counter.

The sun was starting to set.  I couldn’t tell what was more piercing, the sun beaming in through the windows or her eyes beaming into mine.

“Parker, talk to me.” She demanded.  Her face was stern, but beautiful.  I’ve never seen any other human in my life that took my breath away as much as she does. Every time I look at her, I’m amazed.

“Chloe, baby,” I managed to get out.

She took a step back, and sternly let out, “Parker, what? Talk to me!”

I gently reached for her face, and kissed her. I could feel how annoyed she was, but she kissed me back.  She wrapped her arm around the back of my neck and kissed me back hard. I started smiling, and she pulled away quickly.  She smiled and looked deep into my eyes.  Her eyes were the only thing I ever wanted to look into again.  I could barely breathe, but I knew in that moment..

“I love you.”

Poem #1

she heard the sounds around her
of the words people were speaking,
But she wasn’t listening to the words,
they didn’t matter to her.

she wasn’t lost in her own world,
But merely discovering.
Finding the things that spoke to her.
The things that touched deep into her soul.

she loved new things.
Trying new things, finding new places.
But there was no room in her heart,
no more room for people.

she’d been hurt, crushed, and left
by too many new people.
But she didn’t care about the pain,
not one bit at all.

she knew that all people need is love.
she didn’t give those people
the kind of love they needed.
and that was perfectly okay.

she loved her world,
her world was full of adventure.
her world was full of passion
her world was full of her.

XO-R

Monumental Moments

I’ve heard people talk about how good things can come out of terrible situations.  Well, yesterday was total crap. Clearly, I wrote the saddest blog post I have ever written, but it’s good to share your emotions, right? Yeah, we can just go with that.  Anyways! Last night I did something that scares me intensely.  I played that song that was making me cry yesterday, all by myself in front of my roommates.  It may sound silly, but I conquered a fear for a song with the help of my two incredible roommates singing the song with me before I sang alone and some extra courage.

Thinking about how those moments lead up to me singing in front of my friends, I know it would have never happened without everything that happened yesterday.  I wouldn’t have said anything to them about me learning a song, if I hadn’t learned the song. I wouldn’t have learned the song if I hadn’t woken up from my nap incredibly sad. and I wouldn’t have taken a nap if I hadn’t gotten an intense migraine.  So to end this annoying list of events, all these little “bad” moments of my day add up to the monumental moment of me singing infront my roommates.

Music is something that I am intensely passionate about, so I don’t know why I get so nervous to sing in front of people.  Maybe it’s because I’m scared of people thinking I’m a bad singer, maybe it’s because I’m not totally confident in my own singing.  Who knows. But that monumental  moment, changed my view of me singing infront of people.  It’s an amazing feeling.

Hope I can sing for all you internet people soon.

XO
-R

7 Feet Deep

Here I am, sitting in the library, staring at my planner full of lists of things I need to get done.  I’ve found myself here. My sweet happy place of writing to the online world about what’s going on in this little head of mine.

I’m stuck though, in a standstill watching the world keep turning around me.  That sounds extrememly cliche and depressing, but I can’t describe it any other way.  I’m surrounded by people that care about me and love me, but I feel so alone.  Maybe I just want to be alone? Those things that normally bring my joy aren’t.  Those things that help me escape, just aren’t doing the trick.
For example, I sing and I play the guitar.  To put it in perspective my guitar goes and in hand with my journal when it comes to taking care of my well being.  I just spent the last two hours learning a song.  I had a little trouble changing chords midstrum, and I started crying! Crying out of frustrating of not being to switch between two simple chords.  Now, normally I would just laugh at myself for not getting right away, but for some reason I lost it!

So this rut I am stuck in is clearly taking a mental toll on this normally happy girl.  I think I maybe need a spiritual cleanse or something. Maybe I need to go on a crazy adventure.

Well, I don’t want to bother your day too much with some depressing rant of this awkwardly rough time in my life.  If you have any ideas, at this point I’m up to try anything!

Xo
-R

Passion

Passion has been on my mind a lot lately.  I’m in that place in my life where I am starting to decide where I want to settle down and what I want to do for a decent amount of my life.  But I have this fear, it’s silly actually, but I’m afraid that I’m going to either not love what I do every day, or I’m going to fall out of love with what I will be doing every day.  When I say every day, I don’t just mean my career.  I mean everything that I do every day.

It’s a real fear though.  It sort of reflects this deep fear I have for my life entirely…  I’m afraid of not living, or a having a half-ass life.  It’s definitely cliché but, that’s my fear.  I go at everything entirely, 100% because I don’t believe there is any other way.  If I don’t want to do something, I simply will not do it.  If I want something, I do everything I can to get it.  I experience life as it comes to be.  I do things that scare me, but not enough.  I feel every emotion I can as deeply as I can.  I love until it hurts, I cry until I don’t need to, but I don’t necessarily get mad, just frustrated until I can find a solution.

When I’m on my death bed, whenever that I may be, my only desire is to look back on my life and know I was truly passionate about life in general. I lived in every moment fully, and I was in love with every part of my life without a doubt.  Looking back, I don’t want any “what if’s” or “I should have/could have/would have’s” I want to be able to say that I tried everything that came in my path.  I want my life to be the best story I can possibly write.

XO
-R

Insouciant

(adj.) free form worry, concern, or anxiety. (from the dictionary)

Now wouldn’t that be nice.  To be completely insouciant.  That’s my goal for 2017.  Resolutions used to be all about losing weight, growing out the hair on my head, saving up a bunch of money, and all those kinds of things.  Now I see that all comes with a healthy lifestyle.  But a good mental health is so much harder to obtain these days.

Think about how much time we waste on worrying about situations that have a slim chance of evening occurring.  Or how much time we waste expressing concern for things we cannot do anything about, and then how much time we waste having anxiety about all of the above.  So clearly worrying is just a waste of time.

Soul Adventure

I have been thinking a lot lately.

What stops us from doing things?
Fear? Money? Being alone? Dogma? Rejection?

But why?  Why not try things?  Go for a run, hike somewhere you’ve been, try out that whole in the wall coffee shop! Just do it.  Money is tangible, but experience is what really brings the soul alive.  Don’t get me wrong, I totally understand that you need money to do many things these days.  But spending money on experience is completely worth it.  Bring your soul alive.

Anyways, I’ve been thinking a lot about what stops me from doing things.  And the list goes on and on and on.  I’ve found that most of the time,  I do not take advantage of opportunities because I cater to other people.  I fully believe servanthood is a positive thing, but I also firmly believe that growing as a person is a positive thing.  I often find myself doing things for people that do not care about me, and that eat away at my soul.  I want to revive my soul.

So many adventures are calling our names.  I vow to surround myself with people that agree with and support my soul adventure.  My conquest is to broaden my experience spectrum has officially begun.

I can’t wait to share with you guys on my soul adventure.

XO
-R

p.s happy leap year

 

Simplicity

It’s been awhile since I’ve written.

And let me tell you..

It’s been one heck of year, but I’ve learned one extremely important thing. 

Simple is key.  At least for me.  But hear me out..

As people we tend to over complicate things. Try to do too many things at one time. Pile too many things on our plates.  Overwhelm ourselves with so many thoughts that honestly could be irrelevant.  

Too make everything simple, you just have to do it.  Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it. Just do it.  The beautiful thing about this, it’s not harder than it sounds.  We should be enjoying our lives, not stressing about our lives. 

You want good grades, study. You want to lose weight, go for a run and eat well.  You want people to like you, be nice.  You want more money, get a job.  You miss somebody, call them.  You don’t like things in your life, change them. 

Life is beautiful. 

Life is simple. 

xo

-R

Truth and choice

You know the saying “the truth will set you free” ?

Well I believe there is a lot of truth In that. The truth is powerful, but it is beautiful.

However, the truth can be extremely difficult. It can be painful, but the truth is extremely necessary. Speaking the truth is a choice. The truth can really set you free.

Imagine the stress you would be relieved from if you didn’t have to remember all the lies you tell. If you just tell the truth you’ll only have to remember what actually happened.

Some people lie with an excuse of trying not to hurt the other person. Honestly, it hurts more to be lied to. When you’re lied to, the liar subconsciously does not believe you’re worthy of the truth.

Everybody is worthy of the truth. Everybody.

When you lie to someone, it says more about you and less about the actual lie.

Nobody is perfect, everybody does lie. But we can always try to stop.

You make your own choices.

But it’s beyond my eyes.

Xoxo