I’ve heard people talk about how good things can come out of terrible situations. Well, yesterday was total crap. Clearly, I wrote the saddest blog post I have ever written, but it’s good to share your emotions, right? Yeah, we can just go with that. Anyways! Last night I did something that scares me intensely. I played that song that was making me cry yesterday, all by myself in front of my roommates. It may sound silly, but I conquered a fear for a song with the help of my two incredible roommates singing the song with me before I sang alone and some extra courage.
Thinking about how those moments lead up to me singing in front of my friends, I know it would have never happened without everything that happened yesterday. I wouldn’t have said anything to them about me learning a song, if I hadn’t learned the song. I wouldn’t have learned the song if I hadn’t woken up from my nap incredibly sad. and I wouldn’t have taken a nap if I hadn’t gotten an intense migraine. So to end this annoying list of events, all these little “bad” moments of my day add up to the monumental moment of me singing infront my roommates.
Music is something that I am intensely passionate about, so I don’t know why I get so nervous to sing in front of people. Maybe it’s because I’m scared of people thinking I’m a bad singer, maybe it’s because I’m not totally confident in my own singing. Who knows. But that monumental moment, changed my view of me singing infront of people. It’s an amazing feeling.
Hope I can sing for all you internet people soon.
Here I am, sitting in the library, staring at my planner full of lists of things I need to get done. I’ve found myself here. My sweet happy place of writing to the online world about what’s going on in this little head of mine.
I’m stuck though, in a standstill watching the world keep turning around me. That sounds extrememly cliche and depressing, but I can’t describe it any other way. I’m surrounded by people that care about me and love me, but I feel so alone. Maybe I just want to be alone? Those things that normally bring my joy aren’t. Those things that help me escape, just aren’t doing the trick.
For example, I sing and I play the guitar. To put it in perspective my guitar goes and in hand with my journal when it comes to taking care of my well being. I just spent the last two hours learning a song. I had a little trouble changing chords midstrum, and I started crying! Crying out of frustrating of not being to switch between two simple chords. Now, normally I would just laugh at myself for not getting right away, but for some reason I lost it!
So this rut I am stuck in is clearly taking a mental toll on this normally happy girl. I think I maybe need a spiritual cleanse or something. Maybe I need to go on a crazy adventure.
Well, I don’t want to bother your day too much with some depressing rant of this awkwardly rough time in my life. If you have any ideas, at this point I’m up to try anything!
Passion has been on my mind a lot lately. I’m in that place in my life where I am starting to decide where I want to settle down and what I want to do for a decent amount of my life. But I have this fear, it’s silly actually, but I’m afraid that I’m going to either not love what I do every day, or I’m going to fall out of love with what I will be doing every day. When I say every day, I don’t just mean my career. I mean everything that I do every day.
It’s a real fear though. It sort of reflects this deep fear I have for my life entirely… I’m afraid of not living, or a having a half-ass life. It’s definitely cliché but, that’s my fear. I go at everything entirely, 100% because I don’t believe there is any other way. If I don’t want to do something, I simply will not do it. If I want something, I do everything I can to get it. I experience life as it comes to be. I do things that scare me, but not enough. I feel every emotion I can as deeply as I can. I love until it hurts, I cry until I don’t need to, but I don’t necessarily get mad, just frustrated until I can find a solution.
When I’m on my death bed, whenever that I may be, my only desire is to look back on my life and know I was truly passionate about life in general. I lived in every moment fully, and I was in love with every part of my life without a doubt. Looking back, I don’t want any “what if’s” or “I should have/could have/would have’s” I want to be able to say that I tried everything that came in my path. I want my life to be the best story I can possibly write.
(adj.) free form worry, concern, or anxiety. (from the dictionary)
Now wouldn’t that be nice. To be completely insouciant. That’s my goal for 2017. Resolutions used to be all about losing weight, growing out the hair on my head, saving up a bunch of money, and all those kinds of things. Now I see that all comes with a healthy lifestyle. But a good mental health is so much harder to obtain these days.
Think about how much time we waste on worrying about situations that have a slim chance of evening occurring. Or how much time we waste expressing concern for things we cannot do anything about, and then how much time we waste having anxiety about all of the above. So clearly worrying is just a waste of time.
It’s been awhile since I’ve written.
And let me tell you..
It’s been one heck of year, but I’ve learned one extremely important thing.
Simple is key. At least for me. But hear me out..
As people we tend to over complicate things. Try to do too many things at one time. Pile too many things on our plates. Overwhelm ourselves with so many thoughts that honestly could be irrelevant.
Too make everything simple, you just have to do it. Stop thinking about it, stop talking about it. Just do it. The beautiful thing about this, it’s not harder than it sounds. We should be enjoying our lives, not stressing about our lives.
You want good grades, study. You want to lose weight, go for a run and eat well. You want people to like you, be nice. You want more money, get a job. You miss somebody, call them. You don’t like things in your life, change them.
Life is beautiful.
Life is simple.
You know the saying “the truth will set you free” ?
Well I believe there is a lot of truth In that. The truth is powerful, but it is beautiful.
However, the truth can be extremely difficult. It can be painful, but the truth is extremely necessary. Speaking the truth is a choice. The truth can really set you free.
Imagine the stress you would be relieved from if you didn’t have to remember all the lies you tell. If you just tell the truth you’ll only have to remember what actually happened.
Some people lie with an excuse of trying not to hurt the other person. Honestly, it hurts more to be lied to. When you’re lied to, the liar subconsciously does not believe you’re worthy of the truth.
Everybody is worthy of the truth. Everybody.
When you lie to someone, it says more about you and less about the actual lie.
Nobody is perfect, everybody does lie. But we can always try to stop.
You make your own choices.
But it’s beyond my eyes.
Growing up I heard a lot of talk about reputation. People trying to keep a reputation, build a reputation, create a new reputation. Even wanting to move to start over in order to redo a reputation.
But what is reputation? What does it do for you? How do you create your own reputation?
I have come to the conclusion that an honest reputation is built off of character.
You can create any reputation you desire by doing things and saying things and acting a certain way. But what is the point if it’s not who you are? That’s a lot of acting to do and a lot of wasted energy. Be honest with yourself, create good habits and the reputation you want will be there. Worry about your character, who you actually are. Be someone you want to be and create the habits to be that person and a stellar reputation will follow. Habits are created in as easily as 21 days. So wake up early, hit the gym, be early to your events, dress to impress, always wear a smile, go to yoga, build a tree house, plant a tree once a year, feed the birds, help at the soup kitchen, lay in bed all day, go to the store in sweat pants, don’t wear make-up, go on a hike, watch a whole Netflix season in one day, love yourself and actually be that person you want to be. Try to not pretend to be the person that you think everyone wants you to be. Let your spirit live out loud!
Spend your time on being the person you wish to be. Don’t waste your time trying to make people believe your a person you’re not.
Be more concerned with your character, and be less concerned with your reputation.
As I was sitting there in my condo watching the rain fall on this january morning, I was searching for the perfect thing to write about. I took for the fourth sip of my coffee and it hit me. Perfection. We are always searching for the perfect moment, the person, the perfect day.
We waste so much time searching.
Time is precious. You never know how much time you actually have. So instead of wasting time searching, we have to make the moments perfect. You can’t let the past change you negatively. You have to learn and move forward, and spend your time creating amazing memories every chance you get. If you’re focusing so much on making something perfect, you’re just dooming yourself!
I’ll give you an example.
I am assisting in the planning of my sisters wedding. We all know the serious stress and frustration that entails, especially as the maid of honor. However, my sister and I have discovered a way of creating moments while we plan. We spend more time laughing and enjoying each other while choosing venues, flowers, dress designers, caterers, etc. Instead of just having only one extremely special day, we have one extremely special day and a year of memories, as well as an amazing unbreakable bond.
It’s something I have been working on. Creating special moments out of the most ordinary events. Telling people I care about them at every possible chance I have. Making sure no matter what I am doing, I am incredibly happy doing it.
I mean sure, sometimes you do have to search for the perfect something, just like my sisters dress, but make the searching something worth remembering. If you miserably search, the outcome will not nearly be as perfect if the search was advantageous.
But this is all beyond my eyes!